What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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