I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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