I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
