i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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