Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
