What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
