The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
