I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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