so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
