I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love having hate sex.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
