Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
