you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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