Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
