He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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