his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize