I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
