Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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