I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize