Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
