She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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