when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
