I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
