That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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