I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize