I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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