I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
