So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
