they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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