when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
