The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
