i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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