You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
