my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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