I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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