she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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