Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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