On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
