just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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