i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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