I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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