Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
