I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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