I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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