everyone is single if you try hard enough
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
