I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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