It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize