yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
