I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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