It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
