woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
