your thong is hanging out like whoa
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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