And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
