The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize