I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
