He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
