I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
