He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
