How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
