Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
