I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
