We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
