So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
