Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
