Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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