Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
