If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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