that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
