Yo dont text me then not text me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
