I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
