now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Are we still banned from the library?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
