I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
