hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
