you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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