I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize