I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize