im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
