I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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