My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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