the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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