I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
