don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
