i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
