I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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